My Life

Lately, I've been thinking. What kind of person am I? What kind of path do I want to go down in my future? When am I ever going to trust another person fully?(Hell, probably not anytime soon or in a few years) When will I ever fall in love? All these questions I wish I knew the answer (as they all do concern me), but doubtfully, the answers wont be coming to me anytime soon either.

I never realized how repetitive my life was until a few mornings ago when I was in my "thinking bliss" aka my shower. I realized that, I wake up, go to school, sit through the same four classes, go home, go on my computer, eat, go on my computer again, and I sleep. This is all the same cycle just until I hit the weekend where I'd probably spend the day at the mall playing DDR or just walking around looking at stuff that either I'd never buy or would never be able to afford. This kind of bothers me as I do want to have a change of pace. It's not like I want to be one of those outgoing people and end up being an inspiration to many people. I could care less about that kind of shit. I just wanna do something that makes me feel like... I've done SOMETHING. No, it doesn't have to be a public speaker, or going to Africa to build homes for the needy. No, none of that. I just want something to happen in my life. I don't want to just sit through it doing nothing.

Maybe its like a sign or something. The fact that I'm sitting on my ass here, typing to some blog about how unexciting and unproductive my life is, is just a sign that maybe I'm meant to be doing this. You're probably thinking, "meant to be doing this? No one's meant to do anything". Yes, that is true. But that fact I'm still sitting on my ass doing nothing doesn't change.

Just last night, I started reading for fun again (despite the fact that I stayed up until 3:14am reading). It was an actual BOOK this time, not like manga or any of that stuff I read online. It rudely reminded me of how there are people out in the world who just have a hell of a good time. Everyday. The protagonist is a poor (probably not that poor...I mean she DOES live in Orange County) girl that goes to school, hangs out with her majorly rich best friend, goes to parties/nightclubs/anythingyoucanthinkof and goes shopping every other day. You'd think this is pretty normal for someone living in California right? But no, not in this case. This person is 17 (or 17 1/2 as she emphasizes in the book) AND she still goes to school...

Now the question is, would I do that if I had the chance to? Maybe, I think I would be a completely different person given the circumstances. But with my current life? Hell, being at a party or a nightclub or whatnot would be just about the last thing I'd do. I mean for one, I hate being in crowds, I hate "hanging" with large groups of people, and for sure I don't "party". I'd much rather be at home, huddled by my computer, watching anime or doing something stupid like going on Neopets. Does that mean I'm satisfied with my life? Clearly not, as my whole post has been on how much I question my unproductive life. I said that, "given the circumstances" I would be a completely different and I do seriously believe that. If I lived in Orange County or something like that, no doubt I would have tried going to a party or nightclub. From there, I'd either hate it or like it. But knowing how desperately people try to fit in and stick with cliques there, I would probably do the same and end up "liking" parties and such.

What would you do if one of your closest friends suddenly decided to converse with you and just go "I have something to talk about with you. Like really. *serious face*"(to create more of an effect, imagine that this friend is like... just some random crazy person that you love to be with) And yeah, how the hell would you take that seriously "*serious face*"? You've got to be fucking with me. Well, and then this friend of yours suddenly tells you to stop bullying another close friend (you're all mutual friends btw). Wouldn't you just go like "wutthefux?" Well, that exact thing happened to me. Basically, this unimportant, third party, person I've only been close to with for about a year, steps in and tells me to stop bullying a friend I've had for as long as I can remember. At first, I was still kind of joking. But then he started going all fucking philosophical and saying all this shit about how "As a friend, I don't just stand back when I see my other friends getting hurt by someone" and to be honest, it was starting to piss me off. I was just like "Well, guess what? AS A THIRD PARTY MEMBER, I would fucking back off before you screw up 2 relationships instead of one." But no, he pushed it and ruined two perfectly fine relationships. There WAS no bullying going on. If there was, I really don't think that I would still be friends with "victim" because probably, she would have told me to fuck off in the 11 or so years that I've known her. But you know what? Screw him. My relationship with my friend has not changed at all. The first confrontation I had with her after that conversation was pretty damn awkward because this asshole made me doubtful of our relationship. After about 10 minutes, I've realized that nothing changed, she was still the same and probably never knew about him telling me all that crap. So luckily for me, my relationship with my friend has been spared.

All this has taught me one important thing. I've kind of went by life knowing this but never really thought of it in a way that would make me so questioning. People change and your friends, oh god, who knows how long you'd still be "friends" for. Two years? Two weeks? ...two days? But people DO change and people need to be prepared for it. I've started this whole act of mine about two years ago. I try not to make friends now. I mean, I'd feel bad if I did because I know, deep down, I'll never in hell trust them with anything. The "actual friends" I've have now? They're different. Most of them I've known since I was 5, the others... I don't know, they have their own kind of vibe. Call it my gut feeling, but I trust them. If my gut feeling just decides to crap out on me and it really turns out that one of these people betray me, then hell with it. I'll stick with the people that will be with me for a lifetime, my family. Even if parents get divorced, they're still related to you, by blood. Nothing can change that.

Anyway, this has been one long post. I bet I just made up for all of the days I've missed and I guess I'll post soon :)
nyappy~

valentines day

チョコ成功！！！
Hope everyone had a happy valentines day. Just cuz we're all single and dont have significant others, doesn't mean we cant have fun giving each other flowers and chocolate and... iunno... people sang to each other at my school so..iunno LOL
Anyway, i got loads of chocolate in return xD I doubt i'll eat all of it though... I'm not that fond of chocolate tbh but its not like i'm going to turn it down if someone gives it to me (that would be a douchebag move) LOL
anywho...
no skool tomorrow! Well there is..but its called "Career Day" and basically we dont have to do anything...like go to class... we just kinda sit through presentations and stuff like that to help "plan our futures"
nyappy~

ＰＯＯＰＧＩＲＬ

lol check out my poupee(poop) girl ;D
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
got a new dress...but now i'm like completely broke. I only have like... 30 ribbons now xD and all the stuff to match with that dress are like 160 each....and there are like... 3 different things so that would amount to 480? (correct me if i'm wrong)
anyway. I made Valentine's チョコ(choco) today ;) I finally got to use the Doraemon mould that i bought back in HK. The white chocolate, I must say, turned out a lot nicer than the milk chocolate xD
nyappy~

Your fault

I think that keeping track of my life with blogger is a lot easier than writing in a journal...(i mean other than the fact that venting works a lot better when you're raging on the paper) i really dunno what to write about actually. I'm sure everyone has these moments...like when you're just totally bored and need something to do. That would be me. Right now. Anyway a lot of stuff has happened in the past .... 2 days... Bad the first day (mind you, I'm just going to try to forget completely about it, being backstabbed by two of my closest friends, one whom i've known since..like forever) but fck it. I'm not going to spend any more time on those two. I've wasted enough already. Today was pretty awesome wasn't it Melissa <- you better be reading this btw.
"Hey, can you lift up my shirt for me?" lolol
You so owe me for the popcorn btw ;) And we totally need to go out more
Happy early birthday. Just saying it here so i dont like...forget on your actual birthday <3 i ravvvv yuuuu
nyappy~

freedom.....yes, freedom.

LOL ok so I'm going by my word and I am going to blog more.
Currently, I am working on a photography .... assignment (i guess thats what you'd call it). Basically, I just need to have a picture including:

- a rabbit (cuz its the year of the rabbit for Chinese people)
- a non-art material (something like...salt, pepper, eraser bits...etc)
- an art material (like..charcoal, markers, felt etc)
- a transfer (this is hard to explain...so i'm not going to ;D )
- one of your own photos

LOL so since my whole scrapbook is supposed to have that whole...antique/victorian/alice in wonderland feel to it, guess what? I'm doing the white rabbit. I also took one of the quotes "Curiouser and Curiouser" from the book and I'm kind of using that as my title. The whole picture is just a teapot pouring out a whole bunch of random stuff like cups, cake, and THE RABBIT!
Anywho.
Tomorrow is the last day of school for the week as...the rest of the province gets a Pro-D on friday too. Highschools and elementaries should really consider making their Pro-D's on different days with each other. I was at volunteer today and noticed that everyone else had no school on friday so while I was QQ'ing in my head about how the mall's going to be crowded with gr 6 lg's and lb's, I was on verge of rage quitting on a grade 5 who couldn't even figure out what 1/2 is in a decimal. Its so simple, I didn't even know how to break it down further to explain to her
basically our conversation went something like
"So, what's one divided by two?"
"two!"
"no..... what's one DIVIDED by two"
".....5, NO WAIT. 16!"
REALLY!?.... REALLY!? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 16 I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO THAT FOR ME. So right after I got off, I went to my dad and asked him when I started doing fractions and decimals. He told me gr 3 and then I realized how much the school board has decided to downgrade our already lacking education curriculum. Oh well, now's not the time to rage on a little kid. Kay, I think I'm just about done this post.... I have a Japanese quiz tomorrow and I got a shitload to memorize so i'll ttyguyslater!
nyappy~

a sudden wave

lol sorry for the almost-completely-irrelevant post title xD iunno. I was looking back on my blog and i noticed how much i blogged back then. I think i'm just getting lazy though. I dunno i'll try my very best to do more posts. I promise ;D here i'll do one of those weird fb notes to waste my time instead of studying just for the sake of this blog

Let's start with the typical, are you taken?

nope ;(


Is your cell phone a touch screen phone?

it was until like 3 weeks ago...now its not (thankgod)



What is your mom saved as in your phone?

mommy



Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?

forsure



This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yes i can remember. trying not to though



Have you ever spoken to someone who was completely wasted?

....not completely but..yes i have



Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in 6 months?

probably not



When is the next time you will kiss someone?

i have no idea



Do you hate the last person you texted last night?

nope. Why would i bother texting someone i hate O_O



Is there anyone that you care more about than yourself?

lol yes?



Do you ever think about the past?

does anyone not?



When's the last time you cried?

iunno cant really remember (its been quite the while, you see)



Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?

lol mehbeh? (isn't that like always though?)



Are you listening to music?

yes. toyosaki aki alltheway



Would you ever shoot up heroin, if given the chance?

no. If anyone here has seen "The Streets", doesn't shooting up heroin sound like the biggest most dumbshit idea you've ever heard?



Are you talkative?

depends to whom



Who was the last person you talked to on the phone for over an hour?

i dont think i talk on the phone that long... xD



Have you kissed more than ten people this year?

LOLno



You ever kissed someone at your house?

only if family counts :D



What is your current annoyance?

blck b. Math. T_T



When was the last time you saw your father?

like...an hour ago?



Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed



Is the last person you hugged older than you?

i cant remember xD



Are you wearing shoes right now?

nope



When was the last time you saw a movie in theaters?

uhm...last week?



Has anyone called you beautiful today?

lol no



Would you rather be 10 years older or 10 years younger?

older pl0x



Do you bite your fingernails?

nope



Were you born in the 90's?

yes



Do you know anyone who works at Walmart?

lolno



Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?

no not really xD



Were you in a relationship 6 months ago?

nope



Are you still with that person?

^^^^^^^



How long is it until your birthday?

like....10 months? mine passed by not that long ago



Who was the last female you hugged?

probably joysh



So, how was your day today?

meh



Do you have a best friend?

iunno...define a best friend for me please. Usually people are just either friends or not friends to me. I dont really have "bests"



What was the best memory made so far this year?

LOL i have a pretty bad memory so the only thing i can remember right now is
"So getting 100% is 'interesting'"



When it comes to jeans: skinny, flared or boot cut?

flarreeeedddddd



Do you wear white socks, or fun ones?

white xD



Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of the opposite sex?

iuno...i dont really gaze into people's eyes



Who is someone you miss?

my grandparents ;(



Would you ever lick a rat for $1,000?

yes...as long as it wouldn't cut me on my tongue or something



Tell me about the last time you danced in the rain?

lol i dont dance



Do you own a picture phone?

yer.



Have you left some things unsaid with a certain person?

je ne comprend pas?



Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw?

sal-lad ;D



Did you reject or accept your last friend request?

i accepted even though i only found out who he was after i accepted



What does your mom call you?

Jan



Can a boy and girl be best friends without having feelings for each other?

lol yeah



Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?

i've been angry xD



What was the weather like today?

sunny, cold.



Do you think relationships are hard?

dunno. never been in one but they do seem pretty high maintenance



What were you doing at 12:00 last night?

i was probably cramming math.



In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?

jackets



Have you ever cried from being so mad?

yes ._."

yay

fangs christalle :D ily.

anyway i got all of it sorted out and it all works now ;D check it outttt on the right hand sideeeee ;) awesome right?
anyway just decided to post cuz well..i was on...but i really should be studying right now so i guess i'll ttyguyslater ._.

Poupeegirl

Kay sorry bout that...didn't really explain much about what i said before....
lol so recently, I was introduced to this DS game by a friend of mine and he said it seemed like something that i'd like to play so i downloaded it and put it on my ds. The first play was pretty exciting, I mean, the DS is vertical viewing instead of horizontal, good graphics, etc etc. And the game was great because its completely in Japanese (more specifically, Katakana) and it was giving me a lot of practice so i was pretty happy about that. I slowly realized that the sole purpose of the game ... well actually, there is no purpose O_O... its like a simplistic dream of an average middle-aged woman: to shop, and talk to friends.

The only thing that you actually had to do was shop for clothes and talk to people to "make poupee friends" and at the end of each day when you go back in your "home", you get ribbons (their form of currency) according to what you have done that day. For example, if you had 2 outfit changes throughout the day, then you get ____ amount of ribbons. or something like that (still kinda hard to understand the game for me) So basically, I spent everyday, shopping, and getting more money than i started out with which makes absolutely no sense. Soon enough, (probably about 3 days) I got pretty damn tired with the same old repetition...(shop, sleep, talk, shop, sleep, talk, etc) and i did a bit more research (cuz i mean cmon...a game cant suck THAT much) and i found out that they had a version on the computer (yes the ds one did suck so much that they didn't have any more functions than that) So i made myself an account on the website and started playing. Iunno. seems KINDA interesting? Its still about the same as the DS one ... so its not all that fun. But getting "ribbons" is a lot harder (and i have like...no money right now)

Well anyway, I'll probably stick to the game for about another week before i get totally fed up with it (i already stopped for like 2 weeks cuz it was boring). If anything interesting happens within the next week, who knows, maybe i'll continue playing but most probably not...

and if you're wondering the website is
http://pupe.ameba.jp/cute/user
dunno if that link is like the right one but it is the homepage so yeah ;D enjoy.

^^^
sorry if that was a fail. trying to test out to see if it works or not ;_; i'm a pretty big blogger noob so i have no idea how to link up Poupeegirl with blogger.
Anywho...
Its been a while eh? (<- my Canadian self kicking in) New school isn't all that much better. Semester two just started...and i'm hating math. Its not like i'm bad at the math...its just the teacher has so many requirements and all that kind of crap we have to do...its all this unnecessary shit that i have to do and we all know me: lazy, unmotivated, half-asses everything, hates doing pointless things.
yeah that's basically me in a nutshell xD anyway i'll post again later when i feel like it. I'm trying to finish "unnecessary shit" right now and its not going all that well :)